What is Love? Why do so many people shy away from it? I’m sitting on my living room couch, ear pressed against the phone listening to the reasons why Navy-guy and I wouldn’t work out. Reasons like: he’s always traveling, his inability to verbally express his feelings and his lack of knowledge in the love department were a few that struck my heart. I wasn’t sure what to think and how to feel. My motto: If a man wants to be with you, he will be with you; and Navy-guy wasn’t sitting neatly under this category.
I didn’t feel anger or sadness, just bitter disappointment. How could I possibly fight his words when he wasn’t confident in himself? I fought the urge to explain why it would work, the clutter of ideas that bubbled in my head were hard to wrestle. Once again I was deleting a number and person from my life. Once again, I was enduring a sleepless night.
He broke me heart last night, and this morning I felt fear of losing what we had. Because in his words existed a doubt that I couldn’t read, nor understand. I wanted to hear more about his feelings, his fears and reasons behind his statement. I replayed his words all night in hopes that someday I’ll meet someone who isn’t afraid to love me back. Yet, deep down inside lives a fire that only burns for him because in so many ways he completes me. The lusts that arise when our lips pressed against each other are moments that are now trapped in time. I fought back the tears, because I felt nothing coming, I cursed and punched my pillow because I felt no anger and I looked into the mirror because I couldn’t see myself missing his embrace.
I couldn’t sleep, and when I a slept, I dreamt of him and how happy we’ve been. This morning, as I sit before this computer typing, he sends me a text saying that he’ll be coming over to further discuss this.
The reason of the break-up: he’ll be in a business trip the whole summer; I won’t be seeing him until August. He’ll be miles away in Hawaii as I reside in NY pursuing my dream as a writer. Is it logical to continue to see each other considering the circumstances or should we call it quits because we don’t see each other often?
I didn’t feel anger or sadness, just bitter disappointment. How could I possibly fight his words when he wasn’t confident in himself? I fought the urge to explain why it would work, the clutter of ideas that bubbled in my head were hard to wrestle. Once again I was deleting a number and person from my life. Once again, I was enduring a sleepless night.
He broke me heart last night, and this morning I felt fear of losing what we had. Because in his words existed a doubt that I couldn’t read, nor understand. I wanted to hear more about his feelings, his fears and reasons behind his statement. I replayed his words all night in hopes that someday I’ll meet someone who isn’t afraid to love me back. Yet, deep down inside lives a fire that only burns for him because in so many ways he completes me. The lusts that arise when our lips pressed against each other are moments that are now trapped in time. I fought back the tears, because I felt nothing coming, I cursed and punched my pillow because I felt no anger and I looked into the mirror because I couldn’t see myself missing his embrace.
I couldn’t sleep, and when I a slept, I dreamt of him and how happy we’ve been. This morning, as I sit before this computer typing, he sends me a text saying that he’ll be coming over to further discuss this.
The reason of the break-up: he’ll be in a business trip the whole summer; I won’t be seeing him until August. He’ll be miles away in Hawaii as I reside in NY pursuing my dream as a writer. Is it logical to continue to see each other considering the circumstances or should we call it quits because we don’t see each other often?
In a time when pursuing ones goals means making everything secondary and work first, when do you cross the line and let someone in, and when you do is it fair to leave when the going gets rough? When power couples like Bradgelina, and Beyonce & JayZ exist, should we view them as examples and make the impossible possible? So I ask, is it possible to be anther Beyonce and JayZ?
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well said, if he wanted to be there he would be. if he isn't leaving you to see why it wouldn't work but is offering up the reasons, there's really nothing more to say...sad, terrifying, heartbreaking, but true. It'll all get better in time;)
ReplyDeleteWhy do you think he completes you?
ReplyDeletei'm sure that's not the only reason he gave (travelling that is). Was he taking into account that you seem to NEED someone who is around most of the time